When something is toxic, we mean, it has poison inside of it. A toxic relationship is poisonous and harmful.
There’s no need to manage it. All you have to do is GET OUT of it NOW before the venom it produces destroys you.
Indicators of a toxic relationship
In her toxic relationship research, author Yvette Bowlin distilled the myriad indicators of toxic relationships into the following five signs:
- It seems like you can’t do anything right.
- Everything is about them and never about you.
- You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with this person.
- You’re uncomfortable being yourself; and
- You’re not allowed to grow and change.
If you’re experiencing even just one of these signs, check in with yourself to see if the relationship is doing more damage than good.
That said, let’s explore actionable ways you can get out of a toxic relationship.
How to get out of a toxic relationship
#1. Admit that the relationship is toxic.
If you are experiencing a toxic relationship, then you likely move in and out of a state of denial about how unhealthy it truly is. At one moment, you feel revulsion; at another, you are making excuses and justifying a partner’s intolerable behaviour.
Most people will let certain issues go from time to time in intimate relationships, and it is important to be willing to accept your partner as they are. They likewise need to do the same for you. But there are certain things that a person should never dismiss in a relationship.
You are sowing bad seeds in infertile ground if your partner lies, repeatedly cheats, humiliates you, exploits you for money or other resources, or emotionally or physically abuses you. If your partner causes you chronic pain and does not hold themselves accountable, end it.
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#2. Stop believing this relationship is the best you can do.
If you are in a toxic relationship, then you probably have stopped confiding in friends and family. You keep your relationship separate from others because you are afraid that loved ones will see how unhealthy it is. Or, you feel that your toxic partner is the only person who will ever understand and love you.
Keep in mind that withdrawing from others and avoiding face-to-face intimate interactions with others reinforces the idea that you will never be known or cared for by anyone other than your toxic partner. It keeps you in a panic-like state of thinking you will find yourself alone.
This desperation will prevent you from drawing boundaries and wholeheartedly holding your partner accountable or even walking away.
#3. Fill the hole left behind from ending the relationship.
Before doing anything, work to build up your support system: Join a gym, participate in social activities, join a religious group, start a new hobby, meet friends to discuss ideas, hang out with different acquaintances.
You need to start letting others get close to you so that you no longer feel as if your orbit will collapse without this toxic partner at the center of your life.
So what else are you supposed to do to practically get out of a toxic relationship?
You are deluding yourself and wasting precious time if you believe that you can somehow still be friends or have a phone relationship with a toxic ex-partner. These people have a way of manipulating and getting others to feel sorry for them. If you keep the contact going, then you enable this individual to continue to work to draw you back toward them. The only realistic way out is to stop all contact so that you can start anew. And, too, time away helps positively enhance perspective.
#5. Replace past negatives with a bright future positive.
Work toward healing the part of yourself that may be attracting toxic relationships. This may mean exploring past toxic relationships, forgiving yourself for the part you played and realizing that you deserve the right kind of love and attention in order to create a brighter future for yourself.
#7. Pursue self-growth.
Change will not be instant, and you won’t meet Mr. or Mrs. Right immediately. Take all of that time you spent trying to better understand your toxic partner or to fix the flawed relationship, and invest it in yourself.
Use your energy to pursue self-growth. Sign up for personal development programs, read those books you’ve been craving to read many years or learn a new skill. When you do date, thoughtfully consider those you have gone for before, and work to engage new and different types of personalities.
A strong, immediate attraction can sometimes mean trouble ahead for a relationship. Hold back and wait a few beats. This tactic will help you avoid another disappointing relationship.
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In addition, getting out of toxic relationships may come with some form of feelings of rejection, I will show you how to come out of it successfully.
How to Handle Rejection Like a Boss
Let me talk to you about rejection.
That thing killed more dreams and goals than anything else I know.
Sometimes, as you try to break free from a poisonous relationship, you are faced with the feeling of rejection.
When you’re rejected, I want you to do these 4 things:
1. Realize you’re the only one that can heal this situation.
2. Understand, time is not the healer.
“I need to take time… It’ll be all right in a week or two…” No. You’re only going to miss two weeks of progress. You can’t afford that.
3. Knock it off.
You can’t sit there and think too long about it. Get over it FAST.
4. Replace the lost opportunity with a new opportunity.
All rejection you’re experiencing is really a disappointment about you not having enough options or opportunities.
It’s not about the person in front of you. The bad emotions come from not having more options after than person.
And now you’re hitting this realization, you’ve got to embrace rejection as a normal experience, have an open mind and stop putting up emotional walls to enable you create the fulfilling relationship you truly desire.
Hoping you truly break free.